Do you remember the first time you were allowed to go to the corner store alone, or the first time you walked home from school by yourself? Those seemed like huge accomplishments at the time, but in reality they were small but important steps on the journey to self-sufficiency.
Most parents will proceed to build on previous experiences, and challenge the child to accept ever-increasing responsibilities until the late teenage years when he should be almost ready to live independently.
Semesters away from home at college or university will often bridge the gap from the safety of the parental nest to adult life when one is totally responsible for oneself.
Often, there will be slip-ups along the way. Because of a job loss, a marriage breakup, a mental or physical illness, addiction issues, or having to serve a prison sentence, an adult may find himself in a position of having to start over, to begin again to assume personal responsibility for himself and his affairs.
Where should he start?
His first priority is to find a means of self-support. He needs to go job hunting. He'll need a satisfactory living wage, but he shouldn't expect to start at the top of his field.
He should plan to spend at least six months learning the ropes: the routine, procedures and staff at his new place of business. Assuming as little stress as possible from the work environment should be the objective at present. Promotions can come later.
He'll need a place to stay while he's becoming reestablished. If family or friends can fulfill this need temporarily, he should plan to show his gratitude with a generous gift to them once he becomes independent again.
Apartment hunting will be next on the agenda. Nothing elaborate need be chosen at this time. A few basic pieces of furniture: table, chair, fridge, bed, TV, will suffice until he has the means and the time to choose pieces he'll want to live with for the long term. Right now, the name of the game is survival.
To progress down the path to self-sufficiency, he'll need to stay healthy. He should stock the fridge and cupboards with nourishing food: fruit, vegetables, juices, milk and dairy products, nuts, tins of fish, peanut butter and whole grain bread. Junk food is not a necessity.
The following six months to a year
This should be a period of consolidation. He'll need time and a tranquil atmosphere as he regains control of his life through gradually assuming personal responsibility for his life.
There will be many things to occupy his attention during this time: arranging transportation, supplementing his wardrobe with suitable work and leisure apparel, furnishing the apartment to his liking, reconnecting with friends, and finding or retrieving enjoyable hobbies.
Once he is safe, secure and content in his new environment and comfortable in his new lifestyle, it will be time to start building a compatible social network. He will be ready to rejoin the world as a functional and productive member of society.
Having taken the time and effort to build a firm foundation for the future, it may be hoped that the individual will continue to grow and thrive and perhaps begin, or serve with a support group for whatever problem he overcame before commencing on his new life.
Some of us will need to learn the art of being responsible for ourselves more than once. As children, we master it slowly under the guidance of our parents. If we lose the ability as adults, for whatever reason, we'll have to do the hard work of maturing again, this time, often all by ourselves.
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